You can't just decide that I'm drunk.

Aaron, take the next flight out and come see me.

We can lay in bed and watch Arrested Development all day...which is similar to what I did today.

Moral of the story, I fucking miss you.

Fuck

Ok, so, since I last wrote in here, I have gained a year of life, got a tattoo, and become just slightly more jaded (therefore, more emo!). I also have gotten way too drunk in front of my parents and embarrassed myself silly...but that's a story for another time.

So after having, probably the most terrifying experience in my entire life, I realized that I'm fucking up wayyy too much. However, I don't seem to be willing to change anything as of yet. I'm having fun and I know that sobriety brings me down a bit (which is scary...sorry future boyfriends!). I don't like always saying or doing things before thinking, but I do them, unknowingly for the most part. It makes me feel like alcohol is turning me into a booze robot (Danger, Will Robinson!). When fed copious amounts of booze, I feel challenged to drink more. But before you all play the "ALCOHOLIC" card, I don't drink alone and rarely drink more than 2 times a week. I'm a binge drinker, I know this.

I'm just at a point in life where I can continue playing the hand I'm dealt with, or I can deal myself a new one. But you always get caught cheating.

Edmonton sure isn't seeming so far away anymore...

To my cokehead ex.

Hate (I Really Don't Like You) - Plain White T's

Love love love love love love

You were everything I wanted
You were everything a girl could be
Then you left me brokenhearted
Now you don't mean a thing to me

All I wanted was your
Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don't like you
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you
Brought you around and you just brought me down
Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don't like you
I really don't like you

Thought that everything was perfect (perfect)
Isn't that how it's supposed to be?
Thought you thought that I was worth it
Now I think a little differently

All I wanted was your
Love love love love love love

Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don't like you (I really don't like you)
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you (liked about you)
Brought you around and you just brought me down
Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don't like you

Now that it's over you can't hurt me
Now that it's over you can't bring me down

Oh oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh

All I wanted was your
Love love love love love love

(Hate) Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don't like you (I really don't like you)
Now that it's over
I don't even know what I liked about you (liked about you)
Brought you around and you just brought me down
(Hate) Hate is a strong word
But I really, really, really don't like you
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)
I really don't like you
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)
I really don't like you
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)
I really don't like you
(Oh oh oh oh oh oh)



HAPPY ONE YEAR BEING BROKEN UP YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE.

I miss you...

Hey There Delilah-Plain White T's

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This ones for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.




I miss home. Talking to Jenn today made me miss everyone. Homesick.
I miss my Justin. I miss the overpass. I miss shopping on Whyte Ave. I miss Shawn and Adam. I miss my house and the playground. I miss my kitties.
I miss the stability of my boy...not the crap I'm going through right now with shitty boys.

Remembering things with Jenn made me miss her and our friendship so much. I miss how close we were. I miss seeing her everyday. She's the first person I've ever had that much trust in...I can tell her anything and she still accepts more.
Don't get me wrong, I have 2 AMAZING best friends out here that would go to the end of the world for me and I adore them both so much for it...I just miss home.

Maybe writing will help me get out of this terrible mood...

I need to tell him.

Gets me EVERYTIME.

The neighbours have complained damn near every night

Being sick is soooooooo lame. Especially seeing as I'm finally getting better...just when I start to get better, I get drunk and smash my head on a table. Not a normal kind of "bonk", but a full on SMASH. People on the other side of the room heard the sound...it actually kinda of pushed me backwards. So I have a minor concussion...and fighting a cold.
Also, if you don't like the way I live my life, go away. You know who you are.

The job interview on Tuesday went sooooooo good. I'm pretty amped on it. I find out if I get it tomorrow, so fingers crossed! I miss working!
In other AMAZING news...GOING TO QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE!!!!! Should be such an awesome time. I'm so stoked!

Really that's it. I leave you with the BRAND NEW The Academy Is... video for "Neighbours"...it's so amazing and makes me smile like a little school girl.

Always Love
Shayna

Dilemma?

What to do? I want to be upfront about it, but I can't seem to bring myself to actually do it. I think we both get nervous and don't want to say what we want to say...so we stay quiet.

In the roar of the crowd, we stay silent.